Why emotions secretly drive success at work and beyond

Emotions shape us—for better and for worse. "Positive emotions can energize us and boost our cognitive flexibility," says psychologist Myriam Bechtoldt. "They sharpen our focus, enhance performance, and make it easier to absorb new information and recognize connections."

Emotions also play a crucial role in decision-making and relationships. "Research shows that a speaker addressing an audience typically has no desire for further contact if the listeners show no emotional response at all," explains the professor.

Yet emotions can also become problematic—especially "when we let them influence us unconsciously," Bechtoldt notes. "When we feel down, we're far more likely to recall past failures or setbacks." Our mood, in essence, colors which memories we retrieve and how much weight we give them.

"Context matters," says Annette Auch-Schwelk, a coach and author of a book on managing intense emotions. An angry football manager, for instance, might be seen as passionate and commanding—earning positive reactions—while a corporate executive who loses their temper is more likely to be judged as lacking composure.

"We live in a culture with a deeply ambivalent attitude toward emotions," Bechtoldt observes. Professionalism is often equated with rationality and emotional detachment, even though we tend to dislike people who seem devoid of feeling. "It's absurd. We're expected to show emotions in the workplace—but only if they're positive and not too intense. Anything else is deemed unprofessional," she adds.

Finding the right balance isn't easy. "The key is self-awareness: When do I feel a certain way? How often does it happen? And what triggers it?" advises Auch-Schwelk.

Bechtoldt emphasizes the need to distinguish between emotions carefully. "There's a difference between anger and frustration—they have different causes, so we need different strategies to handle them."

Effective coping strategies vary widely. "Eating almost always helps, but it's a broad, untargeted approach," Bechtoldt says. Instead, she recommends finding personalized methods. Physical activity can help dissipate the heightened arousal of anger, while talking to someone often eases anxiety.

Such strategies aren't always practical in a meeting. So what should you do when emotions surge? "First, stabilize yourself—both physically and mentally," Auch-Schwelk suggests. Simply sitting down, planting both feet firmly on the floor, and feeling the support of a chair or wall against your back can ground you. Another tip: Breathe—slowly and deliberately. "Mentally, remind yourself: This will pass."

If possible, Bechtoldt recommends briefly stepping out of the room to create space between the emotion and your reaction. "Don't act in the heat of the moment. Wait until you've calmed down."

Professionalism doesn't mean suppressing emotions, she clarifies, "but creating a moment of conscious control between impulse and action." The emotion itself isn't the issue—it's the unexamined response that causes problems.

With enough distance, emotions can be analyzed afterward: What triggered such a strong reaction? Why am I giving this person or situation so much power over me?

"Dig deeper to understand what's really going on," Auch-Schwelk urges. Intense emotions often tie back to past experiences. "Addressing the root cause can bring profound relief." For those prone to frequent emotional outbursts, seeking professional support may be worthwhile.